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Caitríona Palmer's new book reveals that adoption was a dark time in Ireland’s history

Adopted at birth, Caitríona Palmer eventually found her birth mother. But there was one rule to their reunion – it had to remain a secret.

An Affair with my Mother is not only an achingly honest account of Caitríona’s personal quest to find her roots; it’s also a forensic examination of the social issues surrounding it.

Outlook Weekend: Pick of the Week

Caitriona Palmer was given up for adoption in Ireland in the 1970s. She had a happy childhood and never felt the need to find her birth mother. But when she was in her 20s, she started working in Bosnia exhuming mass graves and the experience moved her to look for her birth mother. Today they have a good relationship, but it’s still a secret to some in their family.

My mother told me our relationship had to be kept secret

When Caitriona Palmer describes the moment she first met her birth mother at the age of 27 she likens it to falling in love.

She found everything – from learning her name to seeing her face for the first time – fascinating and exciting. “It’s the moment that every adopted child dreams about,” says Caitriona, now 43.

However, while her birth mother Sarah* was keen to forge a relationship, Caitriona quickly discovered there was a catch.

Caitríona Palmer 'An Affair with My Mother'

Caitríona Palmer was raised by loving adoptive parents, but had always wanted to get to know the mother who gave her up.

In her late twenties she met her birth mother and they formed a close bond – but under one painful condition that Caitriona would be kept a secret from everyone.

"We would meet in secret" and "I would long to hold her hand"

On International Women’s Day we spoke to a woman who has shown extraordinary strength in maintaining an illicit “affair” with her birth mother ‘Sarah’ for 16 years. Journalist Caitriona Palmer has written her first book ‘An Affair with my Mother’. It is a story of adoption, secrecy and love. She says the book is kind of a love letter to her birth mother, who is too ashamed to talk about her.

My Mother Wanted To Keep Me A Secret

What do you do when your mother wants to keep you a secret from the rest of the family?

An Affair with My Mother by Caitriona Palmer is a moving and gripping story of love, denial and a daughter’s quest for the truth.

‘It was like an affair’: Adopted daughter reveals her heartache

When Caitriona Palmer decided to track down the mother who gave her up for adoption as a baby, her two greatest fears were that she would be dead or wouldn’t want to meet her.

But in a new memoir she describes in heartbreaking details the complication she had never expected – that her mother would want to keep her a secret.

Why I conducted a 16-year ‘affair’ with my mother

Caitríona Palmer had a grounded childhood, so when her mother asked her on her sixth birthday to help make the bed, she didn’t find the request odd. They each took two corners of the sheet, wafted it into the air, and as it settled her mother began to talk. “Before you were born, another mammy carried you in her tummy but was unable to keep you … Now that you’re a big girl, I want you to remember her for yourself and to pray for her.”

Caitríona Palmer: ‘I am my mother’s secret child’

Adopted as a baby, the journalist embarked in adulthood on a difficult search for her birth mother. But when she finally met Sarah, things didn’t go quite as expected…

'Surely I was special enough not to be kept in the shadows'

Caitriona Palmer was adopted while still an infant by a kindly couple, Liam and Mary, and brought up in a happy household on the northside of Dublin. She writes about her childhood with great clarity – and honesty. But not everything was rosy. Knowing she had been adopted changed things.

BBC: My secret mother

Caitriona Palmer was given up for adoption in Ireland in the 1970s. She had a happy childhood and never felt the need to find her birth mother. But when she was in her 20s, she started working in Bosnia exhuming mass graves and the experience moved her to look for her birth mother. Today they have a good relationship, but it’s still a secret to some in their family. Caitriona tells Jo Fidgen her story, starting with her work in Bosnia.

James Rebanks, Helen Scott, Carl Tanner, Caitriona Palmer

Libby Purves meets shepherd James Rebanks; Helen Scott from the Three Degrees; journalist Caitriona Palmer and American tenor Carl Tanner.

With Nina Myskow and Caitríona Palmer

Nina Myskow talks about the upcoming “Jackie the Musical” and writer Caitriona Palmer on her adoption story.

I'm My Mother's Secret Child - Caitriona Palmer Interview | This Morning

Meeting my birth mother, 27 years on

Caitríona Palmer was adopted at birth from a Dublin ‘baby home’. When she tracked down her mother 27 years later, she was overjoyed, but there was just one heart-breaking complication…

I can remember still, with great clarity, the terror of meeting my birth mother, Sarah, for the first time – the nausea, scanning the room for a wastebasket in case my stomach failed me, the sound of her footsteps as she approached the door.

An Irish Adoptee Talks Adoption over Tea with Philomena Lee

For the past 14 years I have been having a secret relationship with my birth mother. We meet in hotel bars across Dublin, preferring darkened corners where we can catch up in peace, avoiding conversations with strangers, and evading any questions about our physical similarities with a polite smile.

The relationship feels clandestine, almost like an affair. Our rendezvous are arranged by text message – we never speak on the phone – and I have long stopped bringing her bouquets of flowers, knowing well that she cannot explain their heady extravagance back home.